Dec 7, 2023

It’s been almost 6 years. Almost 6 years where I put my hustle first over my family, where I convinced myself that “Making it” was more important than seeing my father, mother and sister. For almost 6 years, they waited patiently, essentially putting their life on hold for me. Do you know what it feels like to turn back and see that your family has spent the last 6 years simply waiting for you?

I moved to Canada with my husband in 2018, in search of financial stability, freedom and a career to support our lifestyle and that of our families back home. It’s 2023 now as I write this and, in these years, we have been through a lot as a family. A lot of losses, wins, sacrifices, missed milestones and video calls lay strewn across this journey. Today though is not the time to write about them. Today is about our little trip to India, meeting our families and realizing how our absence has affected them and us.

I’ve lived away from my hometown for most of my professional career, and I had thought my family was used to my absence. Don’t get me wrong I keep in touch with my family. We talk, chat, video call, and share every ups and downs in our lives. Still, I was caught off guard when I visited my family this year. I saw my mother had lost a tremendous amount of weight, peace, and companionship. My baby sister is trying her best to shoulder the responsibilities my physical absence has created while she pushes herself to attain the stability that I was looking for 6 years ago. You should see how much she has grown up and how I have hurt her by being away. My father has subtly yet compellingly changed his personality to fit the new family dynamics. He constantly pivots and plays different roles to keep my family happy. My family has given up many things they used to love and still do because doing those activities without me made it feel incomplete to them. The house itself is a time capsule, an ode to the years I spent there with them. Everything was just as I had left them, the decor, the books, old clothes, old costume jewelry. This visit made it vividly apparent how loved and adored I am by my family. This realization is both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. I had left a hole in their lives when I left.

There is also another facet to this experience. It revealed to me how much I had been depriving myself. Spending time with my family showed me that I was incredibly burnt out, lonely and my mental health was at an all-time low. I had not realized this while I was in Canada. The daily grind, the hustle, challenges, responsibilities, and my own ambitions took up so much mental space that I did not even have time or the scope to consider my own emotions and longings. I had not allowed myself to feel how deeply I longed for my family. I did not have my own permission to break down or fail. Needless to say, I had created a hole in my life when I left.

Even after seeing all this, would I really take back the last 6 years and our decision to move away? No, I won’t. Our move helped shape what our future will be like as a family. I have no shame in accepting that I was not ‘cutting it’ back home and coming to Canada has helped me become the daughter I am, the daughter I dreamed of being. Now, I can confidently say I can take care of my family, come what may. The move was necessary no matter how hard this journey has been and how awful we felt through it all. My mistake wasn’t moving away, my mistake was staying away for this long. I should have gone back to visit frequently.

To my family, I promise never to do this again. I promise not to test your patience and your love for me again. In return I want you to promise, you will not stop enjoying life, you will not stop going out to our favourite restaurants, going out on long drives, buying things for yourself and travelling.